I met someone recently who was clearly in a victim mindset.
This person had run successful businesses for decades, always providing the same service. The last few years have been hard and completely changed the way they acquired clients.
There was a lot of anger that came out during our conversation and a capitulation to having to change the entire way they do business, with a huge cut in prices being the one with the greatest impact.
After all, things completely out of our control change constantly and sometimes that means we have to change our business to adapt.
This could be a time for this person to niche down and find the right audience for their services at the prices they use to charge.
And maybe that's been tried. I don’t know.
Because all I heard was how they are victim to circumstances.
We've all been there
We all know someone like this don’t we? At some point in our life, that person has probably been us!
Business not doing well? It’s Covid’s fault or too much competition or the right clients aren’t coming to you (I've been guilty of saying that last one a few times!).
Most of us think resilience is how we pick ourselves up after we've been through difficult times.
But I believe resilience is how we navigate those tough times. How quickly we can recognise them, how fast we can come up with solutions to
Personal life not where you want it to be? Is that because the boss doesn't like you, your partner doesn't support you or you don't have the right experience/education/opportunity to follow your dreams?
Victimhood is a pretty slippery slope. When we start to take some hits, it’s easy to look around for something else to blame.
I mean, blame is a hell of a lot easier than trying to fix the problem isn't it?
Blame stories can be self-fulfilling so gradually the difficulties in our life become the only thing we start to see.
Our mantra becomes “Why do things like this continue to happen to me?”
Or just shortened to a plaintive “Why me?”
What are the signs?
It’s hard to tell when we’ve moved firmly into victimhood and started to put down roots. Here’s a few signs for you:
🚫 Your mind is always looking for something to make you anxious.
🚫 Everything happens TO you.
🚫 External forces and events are deciding your happiness.
🚫 You blame everything around you for the negative things that happen.
🚫 You’re always focused on what you don’t have and ignore what’s within you.
Victimhood is an easy neighbourhood to move into and a tough one to escape. But it’s definitely the wrong side of the tracks!
It’s a state of thinking that can be learned, usually from our parents, which means it feels like a natural state to us.
Victim mindset is sooo bad for you.
But here's how it's harming you:
❌ It’s a way of defaulting your own personal leadership.
❌ It limits your ability to change.
❌ It blinkers you to fixes that would solve your problem.
❌ You live with a constant feeling of powerlessness.
❌ The negative self-talk becomes an endless loop.
❌ Eventually, you move into a state of frustration, anger and resentment.
All of which makes it bloody hard to shift this mindset!
So, how do we start getting past the stories we’re telling ourselves?
Here’s a few things to try:
⚡️ Start by acknowledging you’re in this mindset and looking at specific examples of times you’re using external events as a reason why you’re being blocked. It’s really important to remember to do this without judgement!
⚡️ Next, when something happens to make you want to blame something else, ask yourself – is my reaction a reflection of the circumstance or my true nature?
⚡️ Then ask yourself if you are facing this situation from a place of wilfulness (resistance) or willingness (acceptance).
⚡️ Look at where your attention is right now. Where your attention is, your energy follows. Even if you’re thinking about how much you want to avoid fear, lack, failure, etc, you’re bringing it into your life by focusing on it.
⚡️ Identify your main complaint. And see if you’re issuing regular invitations to your pity party! In other words, is how hard your life is all you ever talk about with the people around you?
⚡️ Get some perspective on the issue, where is the proof that what you’re thinking is true? If you’re thinking “I can never catch a break”, look for the good things that have happened recently or at all the good in your life as proof that this isn’t true.
⚡️ Break your biggest issue into chunks and look for one or two potential solutions to one part of that problem. Start small!
⚡️ And then chose to take responsibility for your life and implement those solutions. Telling yourself that you're taking responsibility empowers you to shift out of that feeling of helplessness.
Grab your trusty notebook and journal it out...
And here’s a few journaling prompts for tough times that will help you delve into the root of the issue and identifying the limiting beliefs that are contributing to your victim mindset:
✨ What good is here that I presently can’t see?
✨ What is seeking to emerge in my life right now?
✨ What's the most common thing the negative voice in my head is saying? How could that be related to a limiting belief?
✨ When have I felt like this before? What triggered it and how did I start moving forward again?
✨ What gifts are ready to bloom?
✨ If this situation doesn’t change and Iasts forever, what quality must I embody to have peace of mind? How can I start to bring that quality into my life right now?
✨ What would my life be like without my main complaint?
Are you feeling stuck in victimhood right now? Than allow me to give you a little tough love - your brain believes everything you tell it. The more negative stories you're giving it, the deeper into a negative mindset you'll go.
Remember, if you can talk yourself into those negative beliefs, you can talk yourself into taking action. Once you start moving, celebrate all of those baby steps you take to get yourself back on track.
This is a time when you need to be your own biggest cheerleader!!