Tribe, allow me to introduce you to my oldest friend in the UK – Kate.
I met Kate 24 years ago and it’s all thanks to the best boss I ever had who told 27-year-old me that if I ever got pregnant I should join the NCT. Advice I took up several years later and advice that gave me a small circle of amazing friends for life.
A couple of weeks ago, Kate turned 50 and threw a fabulous party that, in true Kate style, was “all about me”.
Now, on paper, we don’t necessarily work as friends
She’s an ex-hunt saboteur who’s swung Right as she gets older. I’m not far from a screaming Leftie liberal.
She believes in “pink and blue” jobs in her house. I think everyone in my house should do whatever they can to help stop it from sinking into a pit.
We’ve had a fair few political conversations where I’ve looked at her and briefly thought “Wow, how are we friends?”
Here’s what you should know about Kate
She won’t take her own bins out (that’s a “blue job”) but every week she brings in her elderly neighbour’s bins.
She worked at a school for years and spent more money than she made at that school. She bought tons of supplies, food for kids she knew didn’t have a lot and all the halls were hand-painted with murals by her with paint she bought. (I only know this because my daughter worked there for a little while and told me.)
She still volunteers at that school, helping out with all the productions. Which she fits in around her new job, working at the local college for blind students.
She always finds the good in everything.
She is the keeper of my secrets, gives great advice when asked for it without it ever crossing the line into criticism.
She is my bestest gig buddy – we both are passionate about live music and have spent many, many happy hours in a field or arena somewhere, drinking cider, singing, dancing and laughing.
Chances are you have a Kate in your life. Someone you sometimes think “I really don’t understand how we’re friends” but you could never imagine not having in your life.
Because those friendships are special aren’t they? We have no problem overlooking the parts of that person we may not totally agree with and just focus on all the good they bring into our lives.
So, here’s my question to you.
It’s a biggie
If you can overlook the parts of your friends that you may not always agree with, if you can always see the good in them, why, oh why, do you not do this for yourself?
The longest, deepest, most complex relationship you will ever have with anyone is the one you have with yourself.
You focus on all the negative things you find to dislike about yourself.
“I’m lazy, I’m stupid, no one will ever love me, I’m not worthy of being treated well, why would anyone care what I have to say,” etc, etc, etc.
We talk non-stop smack to ourselves. We criticise ourselves in ways we would never let anyone else do.
And we accept it all.
It’s all well and good to tell you that you shouldn’t do this. You’ve seen a gazillion social media posts asking you why you talk to yourself in a way you wouldn’t talk to your friend.
And still you do it.
Because you don’t know how to stop it
You can learn to shut off your inner critic. You can tackle those limiting beliefs that drive so much of that negative chatter. You can learn the questions to ask your brain when it starts the smack talk.
Your version of Kate isn’t your only bestie.
Frankly, she's not even your most important relationship.
Because YOU are the most important ride-or-die relationship that you will ever have.
Isn’t about time you started to enjoy the ride?
My clients come to me with awful mindsets. They’re hypercritical of themselves, they always feel like they’re failing.
They have such big dreams and ambitions, and they can never get there fast enough.
I help them learn to shut off that inner mean girl voice.
I explain to them how their brain works and why they’ve not been able to silence that voice before.
I show them the tools they need to get their brain on board with the way they want to talk to themselves. The way they want to see and feel about themselves.
They walk away with quiet in their mind. They walk away feeling more comfortable in their own skin than they ever have before. They walk away confident in their ability to achieve all the challenges they set themselves.
Are you ready to mend your relationship with yourself? To change the things you want to change and learn to accept the rest? To realise all the good in you, the strengths, the positives and value them every single day.
To finally see yourself the way your Kate sees you?
What are you waiting for? Book a virtual coffee now and let’s get you started on becoming your own best friend!